Learning How to Die.

Learning how to die. I feel like that is definitely what I have been learning lately.  And you’d think having been in the dorm for almost 2 years now, I would have it down, that I would have already learned this. But yes, 2 years in, I am definitely still trying to understand this, to do this—to die to myself.  Being an RA is such a busy position. I feel like I go, go, go all the time. I feel like I am constantly pouring into the girls, into other people, and I feel like, selfishly, there is no one here pouring into me. I feel like God is specifically trying to work on this with me. Lately I have been so aggravated and upset about not feeling like someone is caring for me as I have been caring for the girls.  (It can be hard in a constantly changing community where people are always leaving (my 2 good friends both left last year) and with having a 9 hour time difference with family and friends back at home—skyping and communication is so hard!).

But then at an engagement party, a pastor spoke a few words to the newly engaged couple, but I felt like he was speaking directly to me.  He quoted Luther about sin, and how it is man curved inwards, always demanding his needs be met.  And that is exactly how I have been feeling.  My focus, shamefully, has been turned inwards.  While I care for the girls, I have been desperately wishing someone would do the same to me.  Don’t get me wrong; I do definitely feel that it is healthy to get rest and to get what you need, but I realized that I had been so focused on myself that I was get irritable.  It was all about me. And then I remembered a quote a little girl with cancer who spoke at my high school soccer banquet said, “It’s not about me. It’s about Christ working in me.”  And that’s really what life is about. It’s about putting others’ needs above myself. It’s about being sacrificial.  It’s about giving up my life, my needs, and wants, for His name, for His glory—and practically that looks like being sacrificial to my girls, to my staff, to my fellow RAs, and strangers I don’t even know.  Holding them in a higher regard than myself. 

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” 1 John 3:16

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

I’m not going to lie.  Being an RA can be really exhausting.  And I definitely don’t have dying to myself down anywhere remotely perfect, but this is definitely what I feel the Lord is teaching me.  Jesus laid down his life for us.  Even in his daily activities, he was always helping, healing, and loving on people.  And being on the mission field, I often feel like that (maybe not healing people ;)). He had his friends caring for him, but he also always made sure to get away and have alone time with his Father who poured into him.  One of my favorite observations is that he also allowed for interruptions, for the unexpected.  On his journeys, he stopped for those he saw on the side of the road, those he wasn’t necessarily expecting to meet; but he stopped and cared for them anyways.  And when I think of it, those are times I have really enjoyed the most—when it’s 11:30 at night and I’m pooped, but there’s a girl who wants and needs to talk.  I may be so exhausted that night and even wake up the next day even more tired, but inside there is a joy I have found in laying down my need, say for sleep, to bless someone else.  And I think that is what Jesus meant when he said:

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25

Sure, I think “life” can sometimes literally mean sacrificing the physical life and being a martyr, but in more every day terms, I’m finding that it means my needs, my wants, my desires.  It may not always or ever be so easy, but I think there is definitely life and joy in giving it up for others, for the sake of my God.  So I’m trying to press on and remember that it isn’t about me and continuing to pour into my girls, to pour out as Jesus poured out and to be refilled by our Father, and attempt to make my girls more and more beautiful, to present them before the Lord pure and spotless.  

Dorm Retreat to Paris!

Last weekend, we took the girls on a most epic dorm retreat to…PARIS!! One of our girls’ dads is the pastor at the American Church in Paris, so we were able to stay in the church’s basement/gym.  So after school on Friday we packed all our girls, their backpacks, and sleeping bags in 3 vans and made the 7-hour drive to Paris.  And what a wonderful weekend it was!

            Since we weren’t able to leave until 4 o’clock on Friday, we didn’t make it to Paris until 11pm.  But the drizzly late night didn’t stop our girls from walking the amazingly short distance to the sparkly Eiffel Tower (it glitters on the hour every hour and we just happened to make it for the midnight ‘showing’).  The next morning we did a self-guided group tour through parts of Paris, reaching the Eiffel Tower yet again, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Champs d’Elysee.  At the Champs d’Elysee, we stopped for lunch at a pizza place—all 20 of us. From there, we allowed the girls a few hours of free time to explore the city.  It’s amazing—I had no qualms about letting them roam the city, and none of them seemed to be nervous about having that freedom.  I know I would not have been okay with that when I was in high school, but these are definitely a different population of high schoolers—ones who have lived all over the world and have grown up traveling on subways and buses and reading maps.  They very much enjoyed this time, and to my surprise, most of them spent their time shopping for a banquet dress—I guess what better place than the fashion city of Paris—although most assuredly many of the dresses were out of their price range. 

Sparkling Eiffel Tower Night #1

Witt at the Eiffel Tower

I love my Witt Chicks. :) *Some of the girls are holding Flat Stanleys of the four girls who chose not to come with us due to soccer games that weekend. Even though they weren't physically there, we tried to get them there somehow!

My Co-RAs Sarah, Emily, and I.

Anna unexpectedly gave me a kiss. ;)

The girls at the Arc D'Triumphe

            Later that night, we returned to the church for a lasagna dinner together and a birthday celebration for our girl whose place we were staying at.  Her birthday isn’t until June, but we thought it would be fun to celebrate with her dorm sisters AND her parents and grandparents who were visiting. After dinner, we played games like spoons, basketball, and volleyball in the gym, and finished the night by one more sparkly evening at the Eiffel Tower.

Rebecca's birthday celebration!

Some of our Korean girls loving on each other. :)

Hanging out in the gym.

Evening games in the gym.

Two of our girls enjoying crepes underneath the sparkly Eiffel Tower.

            Sunday, our last day, my Co-RA Emily and I went and bought pastries from a Parisian bakery for the girls before we had a time of worship and headed off yet one last time to the Eiffel Tower for some last minute pictures.  After difficultly trying to round the girls up to leave Paris, we finally began our long journey back around 1pm.

            All in all, our dorm retreat to Paris was really short and tiring as a staff member, but it was such a sweet time with the girls and so much fun to bless them with such an unexpected, big trip. And I feel like that’s how God is with us.  He longs to bless us.  To knock our socks off. And He knows exactly how to do it; He knows what makes us smile and what warms our hearts, whether it’s a beautiful sunset, a deep connection with a friend, a good hearty laugh, or even something like a quick weekend to Paris.  The more I am an RA here, the more I am understanding how my parents love me, and even more so, how my Heavenly Father loves me as His child.  So much more in the Bible and in life make sense in taking care of and serving these 19 high school girls. 

“If you, then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

Matthew 7:11

Homesick?

Well, I think I may have experienced my first bout of homesickness since I was 4 years old and my dad dropped me off at my cousins’ house where things were so different that all I wanted to do was go home. I’m not sure if that’s what this strange feeling was over this weekend, but that’s what I’m going with, because that’s the best I can sum up and ascribe these feelings to.  Things are actually going really well here at the dorm. But I do miss my family and friends at home who just get me.  I really do enjoy the people I work with, and even the other ResLife staff who aren’t in my dorm.  But even though I have been here for about 20 months, being here feels like starting over socially.  While sometimes that can be a good thing—it can be freeing not being in the box so many of our loved ones often put us in, it also can be hard.  No one here really knows my history, how I grew up, where I have just come from…any of those things that kinda make you, you. And yes, while there are advantages to that, I miss just being able to talk to a friend who knows me, my family, where I live, in what culture I live, all these different things, without trying to explain it.  And there’s some things I feel I cannot even explain, things that would make others feel uncomfortable, or they wouldn’t understand, or that’s just not so okay to share. And so I miss that familiarity I have at home. To make matters feel worse, I feel there’s not much time at all to Skype and talk to those of you back at home. My schedule is so tight, and so many of your schedules are so tight. Not to mention the typical 9-hour time difference. It ends up being so much work to figure out a time to skype, if there is time available, and if the Internet is working. This weekend I feel like my heart hurt because I miss family and friends, familiarity, but to touch that, be connected to that feels almost impossible. And honestly, this is kind of hard to admit—this homesickness.  I feel like I’m not usually phased by missing home—I mean, I’ve had to switch homes every week, multiple times a week, since I was 4. It’s just a part of life living out of a suitcase, it seems.  But for the first time since I was 4, I feel like this sadness in my heart may be what I am feeling.  And this is me trying to be more real about what mission work here in Germany is like. :)

BTWs, I also very much miss the ocean.  I am miles, or should I say kilometers, away from the ocean here in Germany.  But at home, it’s my backyard (which I realize I am very blessed to have). Nonetheless, I have always lived near the ocean, could smell the salty spray, feel the cool breeze on my cheeks and in my hair, could hear waves break against the shore and the fog horn blaring in the early morning, hear the seals barking in the distance, the sound of boats racing by, see the sunset glimmer on the water, or the moon light up the dark sea. There’s just a calmness that the ocean gives me. Something about not being landlocked, about having this wide, open blue before me.  Somehow reminding me of God’s love for me.  The deep, vastness of how He loves me. I could look out over the ocean, as far as my eyes could see, and know that His love for me was somehow similar—farther than I realize, deeper than I know.

In any case, Hillsong United just came out with a song called “Oceans,” and I of course am in love with it and wanted to share:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior."

Non-Famous Couples

 Ok so I realize my last blog post was in September. I officially stink at blog posts.

Instead of trying to update you on everything since then (so sorry), I will just tell you about an event that happened this past Monday. 

This past Monday, February 11, we held our dorm’s annual event, Famous Couples. For some reason though, this year the girls decided the past years’ events had been too ‘couply’ or something and wanted to change some things up and then call it Non-Famous Couples. So this past Monday, we held Non-Famous Couples at our dorm.

This year’s Non-Famous Couples looked like this:

The theme: Kid’s Birthday Party.

Who: 38 high schoolers, 19 girls, 19 boys.

Where: Wittlingen Dorm.

Decorations: Loads of streamers, balloons, and kid drawings.

Food: Popcorn, pigs in a blanket, veggies and dip, cupcakes, and soda floats.

Here’s out it went down: Each of our 19 girls had a guy invited over suggested by one of their friends. Neither girl nor guy knew who was going with whom.  The guy was just told to bring a certain article, like a teddy bear, and when he arrived, he would need to look for a girl who likewise had that article, say, a teddy bear; and wah-la—the two with the teddy bears would be a pair for the day.

The day was filled with fun activities! Our 8 senior girls got to plan most of the event.  And going with along with the desired theme of a Kid’s Birthday Party, our Non-Famous Couples was filled with musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, party hat making, and a piñata!! (The piñata being outside pretty much translated into a giant snowball fight).  Needless to say, it was a lot of fun (besides the fact that the stick we were using to hit the piñata broke in half, flew across the yard and stabbed me in the stomach. J haha).

 

First Week

School is back in gear!

All the girls are back!!

Plus 5 new girls!! We have 4 new sophomores and 1 junior, for a combined total of 21 students!  We also have a new RA, Sarah, who will be joining us in January. J

The school year started off with Flag Ceremonies on Tuesday, September 4.  It’s such a fun ceremony—always gives me chills: all the seniors line up and enter the auditorium carrying a flag that represents either where their parents are working/serving, their passport country, or where they have lived at one point.  In total, currently, there are 53 nations represented amongst the roughly 300 students that attend BFA.  That’s about the international demographics/statistics of APU, and there are thousands of students that attend there.  Isn’t that amazing?!  These students are so world-aware, and seeing them stand and represent all these different countries reminds me why they are here, and ultimately why I am here.  So many of the nations they come from do not offer the best educational resources for these kids, and it makes me so happy that they have a place like BFA to grow and learn.  

Come Friday, the school put on a Chillin’ and Grillin night where the students got to meet and greet with each other, play games, and enjoy some BBQ. 

Saturday, we loaded up our 3 vans and drove to a shopping center in France to do some school shopping.  Later, we ate some Malaysian curry and watched A Knight’s Tale in our newly decorated TV room. 

Sunday, after church, Kandern celebrated Budenfest, or the festival of new wine supposedly.  All the dorms went and got to eat bratwurst, schnitzel, and other German goodies.  And then later, the girls decided to celebrate my birthday (which was 3 weeks ago) with a chocolate cake and a tubbing—meaning they all picked me up and dumped me in an old tub full of water in the backyard. ;)

This is our newly remodeled TV room! 

Sarah, Emily, and I grocery shopping.  I don't think you're ever too old to sit on a cart. ;)

This is the first day when the 5 new girls arrived. There's the 3 of us RAs, and then 4 of 5 new girls. 

We played the game the Human Knot on the first night. :)

Opening Ceremonies. The 1st, 3rd, and 4th from the left are Witt girls.

Opening Ceremonies. 1st and 3rd are Witt girls.

The 2 in the middle are Witt girls at Opening Ceremonies.

Chillin' and Grillin'

Chillin' and Grillin'. Random boy popped into the picture.

All of our 8 seniors.

Over the weekend, a few girls and I painted our nails. 

Budenfest on Sunday.

Emily, Sarah, and I eating brats at Budenfest.

This is me getting 'tubbed' for my birthday celebration.  The all picked me up and dumped me in!

The whole gang: this was taken at our first dorm fellowship Sunday night. The girls might kill me for putting this up--many were in their pajamas and weren't so fond of taking a picture. ;P

This concludes the highlights of the first week of my second year!